explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
