This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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