Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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