If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
