After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
