He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
