So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
