Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
