so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
