I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
