It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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