I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
