There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
