I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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