hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
