one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
