Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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