so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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