i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
