I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
