Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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