my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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