Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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