I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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