There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
