how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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