I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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