he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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