Are we in a gay sports bar?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
