yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
