I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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