I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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