So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
whose parrot is this?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
