i was born a porn star she said
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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