the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
