if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think I am morally bankrupt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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