Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just blew my weed a kiss
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
