need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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