My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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