My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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