My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i now understand why vodka
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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