You're so nebulous sometimes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
