Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
