In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
