And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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