try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
