You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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