dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
