I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
