There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
