guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
