I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
