Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
