My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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