I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
